


Enemies of the Heir, Beware

by anne_ammons



Series: Drabbles for Fairest of the Rare - Lovefest 2021 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Humor, Crack, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29272740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anne_ammons/pseuds/anne_ammons
Summary: She's been waiting a long time for someone to talk to, and she's got a lot to say.
Relationships: Basilisk/Tom Riddle
Series: Drabbles for Fairest of the Rare - Lovefest 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148042
Comments: 21
Kudos: 23
Collections: Love Fest 2021





	Enemies of the Heir, Beware

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Frumpologist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frumpologist/gifts).



> Written for Fairest of the Rare's Lovefest 2021 #TeamCass
> 
> Prompt: What the basilisk has been doing all this time

Rats are the fucking worst. If I never have to eat a rat again, it will be too soon.

It’s not like I have much choice. That’s all that seems to show up down here so far below the castle. I guess there have had been a few exceptions — an occasional explorer gone awry, or someone whose attempt at Apparition within the castle went blessedly tits up, but day in day out, all I’ve had to eat are rats.

I mean, if I had a flame and maybe some arms, I could at least prepare them differently. That’s what I dream about, you know. There are so many different ways to prepare rats. There’s rat creole. Rat gumbo. Pan-fried, deep fried, stir-fried. I mean, if I had something to work with, I definitely would. I had planned to be a chef you know.

But that was before that idiot Salazar came along and made me promises that he certainly couldn’t keep.

“I’ll be right back,” he’d said. “Just keep an eye on the castle and don’t let the Mudbloods in.”

What the fuck does that mean? How am I supposed to know who’s a Mudblood? All of those two-leggeds smell the same. Heck, the only reason I didn’t eat _him_ was because he was the only one who talked to me.

And besides, if the Mudbloods are such a problem, you would think they wouldn’t be let into the castle in the first place, but that’s just common sense talking, amirite?

But now? Screw that. Men are always making promises that they don’t live up to. He’s left me down here for way longer than I signed up for. How long? A thousand fucking years?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY RATS THAT IS?

Fuck that. Deal’s off, Sally baby. If you so much as think about coming down here, your arse is mine.

And it wasn’t even like he told me everything I needed to know. I mean this fucking place is locked tight. I’ve been over ever inch of it, and there’s literally no way for me to do what he asked. I mean why put me down here in the first place if you were only going to forget about me anyway?

It wasn’t until they finally introduced plumbing into the castle that I even got a chance to get out of this place — stretch my legs, so to speak. Heh heh. Legs, that’s a little serpent humor for you. Of course I know I don’t have legs. Idiot.

In any event, as far as I know, they finally got tired of children whose wand work didn’t allow as precise an Evanesco to vanish the evidence of what they’d “left behind” and decided to install some plumbing. I mean, really, who wants to be tromping through shit on the floors all day. And did you know, Evanesco’s a third year charm — what were they expecting?? What exactly were the ickle firsties supposed to do? Run down to the Forbidden Forest every time they had to pee? That would have been a nightmare, too. The centaurs would not have liked that one bit.

Can you imagine what the castle smelled like? _I know_. When it’s hot enough in the summer, every now and then, I’d smell it down here. Foul. Let me tell you, it was right foul. At least I’ve got a bit of water down here to keep things fresh, and maybe an occasional frolic, but not too much, I’ve got a reputation to uphold. Queen of Serpents and all that.

Anyway… where was I? Oh yes, back to the pipes. So here I am, minding my own business when I hear a bunch of loud noises and next thing I know they’re routing these new pipes right down here. Where I live! Like I want their filth flowing through here? Does this look like a dumping ground to you?

I mean it’s called the Chamber of Secrets, not the Chamber of Shits.

Sure, sure. It would have been a way to get out a bit, see something new, maybe try out the whole petrification thing, but then where would I go?

So, I decide to check things out and well, I’m sure you know the story, I made a snack of one of the poor wizards working on the project and all of a sudden my access to upstairs is blocked again. He wasn’t even all that tasty, but he was a change from the blasted rats.

At least they rerouted the sewage after that. Look, a girl’s gotta fend for herself. There's no Mr. Basilisk down here, is there?

I know you’re wondering what I’ve done to keep busy all that time. Well, to be honest, I hadn’t realized exactly how much time had past until you told me. It’s not like I have a clock down here or even really light. Everything has this same green glow. Yeah, that was Salazar trying to stay on brand and all. I mean, would it have hurt to add some different colors? Some pastels? A window or two? Sigh…

I’ve come up with a few games to pass the time. There’s the one where I loop my coils into a maze, so the rats think they have a way to get out, until they don’t.

Har har! The look on their faces when they realize that they’re still trapped is priceless!

But I have to be careful not to look them in the eyes. Nothing worse than preparing for a nice warm meal and instead find that it’s actually petrified. Miserable, that. Far too chewy, and as you can guess, after all these years, my teeth aren’t the best. A side-effect of the venom, you know.

And terrorizing the spiders, it’s always fun to watch the acromantulas scurry away. Who do they think they are trying to snack on bits of my meals? Fuck that. Get your own fucking dinner. Do I look like their mother?

In any event, I’m really glad to have met you. It's been a while since I've had someone to chat with. What did you say your name was? Tom, right?

And how’d you get down here anyway?

What, you say? The chamber has been opened? You’re Salazar’s heir and I have a job to do?

Stop kidding. Where’s the camera? This is a joke, right? I agree with you and suddenly someone pops out and tells me its all in jest, right?

Tell Sally to come out. I’m not mad at him, not really.

Seriously? He’s dead? Fuck.

Can you give me a minute. That’s a lot to absorb. Much like the whole thousand years thing. I felt a lot better about it when I didn’t know how long he’d left me down here.

And you’re saying you want me to do what?

I thought I covered that already. I mean, be hardheaded if you want. I’ve got plenty of time.

Yeah, no, I don’t think so, Tom. That’s not how this works. You see, you may have been able to get in here, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you just walk on out.

After all, you said the Chamber is open. That means I can be off. And besides, it’s been so very long since I’ve had something other than rats.

You understand, don’t you?

What’s that? A wand? You think you’re going to do something to _me_ with _that_? Aren’t you precious.

Ahh…hubris is such a problem, innit? Gets you every time.

Say, you want me to do the thing with my coils? I promise it will make it more fun.

Well, for me, at least.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Maledictus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29308731) by [Art3misiA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3misiA/pseuds/Art3misiA)




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